My girlfriend is encouraging me to join this storytelling group. She says it would be a fun way to share my experiences and stories, the perfect forum to share my whacky view of the world.
Then she proceeds to tell me the topic for next month's event is..."Things that seemed like a good idea at the time." Ha ha ha, oh baby...it still makes me belly laugh onto the floor, just the mention of it. If ever there was such a thing as a loaded cannon this was it!
Well, lord knows there was no shortage of material as I browsed the archives of my cobb-webbed brain for escapade highlights. The log of web-gem fails in my crazy life is lengthy. The only tough part would be narrowing the potential story candidates down to fit into an 8 min segment.
Where to start....oh I don't know....my divorce, that single-serving tray of brownies I whoofed down on xmas day, that perm I got in 1979, that passion red paint in my bedroom, applying for that job at Teddy Bear Pizza, San Francisco Riding Gears, karaoke with my college girlfriends in that bar full of loggers at the beach, AfterShock shots on a business trip with the boss, those 5 inch high Vegas shoes, buying a used car online, having kids (just kidding boys), 0% interest for 6 months, making my own Steak Diane (should have left it to her), match.com, job shadowing that stripper, college math, any IKEA furniture, contacting my HS boyfriend on Facebook, making my password easy to remember and the same on every web site, a garden, letting my sister use masking tape to wax my uni-brow, playing chicken with my brand new bike at 10, mowing down that "fresh" shrimp at the all-u-can-eat Chinese Buffet in Utah, that "generic" anti-bacterial ointment, agreeing to pick-up the entire football team...after practice, taking my brother to the prom, ordering the Insanity work-out series (didn't get through 5 minutes on the first DVD), asking my Mom how her trip to Mexico was (I will never get those 5 hrs. of my life back), being on the flag team, a full-body cleanse, a van with 16 cup-holders, buying the minimum text minutes for my teenagers, volunteering to host any holiday meal, setting my beer on the rail at an NHL hockey game, going without sunscreen, a thong, giving my phone # to the PTA chair (and mentioning I was a prof. meeting planner), breast-feeding, date night, being my own boss, starting a blog...
Needless to say there's some qualifying to do but I think I have plenty of evidence to build a good case for "just because you think it's a good idea at the time...it might not be!" :)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
HATS
As women we wear a lot of different hats in our life. Some hats we wear for fun, others out of necessity and many just because they are super cute!
My love of hats started at my first tea party, it was of course a sparkly tiara and had a matching bright pink boa. Who does not feel special in a tiara? Add a wand and you can change the world with one swoop.
My next impressionable hat was an Easter Bonnet that was the most beautiful concoction of silk flowers and ribbon. My sister had one that matched; we were the cutest things in the field looking for eggs.
Not to be overlooked is the kid party hat, just add a pointy paper cone with a painful rubber band strap and it’s an “occasion”. If you can endure the strap long enough it’s worth it because cake will usually appear.
The fashion hat can stop traffic. Woman who wear these are so bold and cool. They are also the only accessory that always fits and never makes you look fat.
On a bad hair day hats have been my saving grace. Thank goodness I’m the mom of boys, had I had a girly girl that was fussing over her hair I would have said, “Put a baseball hat on and let’s go already!”
As women we all wear many hats, even if there’s nothing on our head. We are daughters, sisters, friends, wives, mothers, and grandmothers.
We wear the hat a chef, chauffeur, maid, captain, ringleader, hostess, coach, bank teller, Sherlock Holmes, construction foreman, nurse, and many more! We slide these on and off with the greatest of ease and often times wear one on top of another. We are highly skilled fusionists that run behind the runway show curtain and take off the major league manager ball cap and replace it with our tiara just in time for the company dinner party.
When I lived in the south I was schooled in the art of the “hat” at afternoon tea parties. Those ladies take their hats very seriously and some were large enough to provide shade to a small family but man those ladies knew how to wear them with spunk.
Whenever I see a woman with an amazing hat on I always stare a little longer and admire her grace and composure. I think, “That lady is so cool, I should wear more hats!” Then I remind myself that I had a beret on this morning when I was making crepes…well, not really but I should have.
Women are amazing and so are hats…next time you’re in a party store slip on a sparkly tiara and remember what that feels like to be the princess, buy a cute straw hat for the beach and own that bikini, and remember we are the masters of many hats and all a bunch of mad-hatters.
My love of hats started at my first tea party, it was of course a sparkly tiara and had a matching bright pink boa. Who does not feel special in a tiara? Add a wand and you can change the world with one swoop.
My next impressionable hat was an Easter Bonnet that was the most beautiful concoction of silk flowers and ribbon. My sister had one that matched; we were the cutest things in the field looking for eggs.
Not to be overlooked is the kid party hat, just add a pointy paper cone with a painful rubber band strap and it’s an “occasion”. If you can endure the strap long enough it’s worth it because cake will usually appear.
The fashion hat can stop traffic. Woman who wear these are so bold and cool. They are also the only accessory that always fits and never makes you look fat.
On a bad hair day hats have been my saving grace. Thank goodness I’m the mom of boys, had I had a girly girl that was fussing over her hair I would have said, “Put a baseball hat on and let’s go already!”
As women we all wear many hats, even if there’s nothing on our head. We are daughters, sisters, friends, wives, mothers, and grandmothers.
We wear the hat a chef, chauffeur, maid, captain, ringleader, hostess, coach, bank teller, Sherlock Holmes, construction foreman, nurse, and many more! We slide these on and off with the greatest of ease and often times wear one on top of another. We are highly skilled fusionists that run behind the runway show curtain and take off the major league manager ball cap and replace it with our tiara just in time for the company dinner party.
When I lived in the south I was schooled in the art of the “hat” at afternoon tea parties. Those ladies take their hats very seriously and some were large enough to provide shade to a small family but man those ladies knew how to wear them with spunk.
Whenever I see a woman with an amazing hat on I always stare a little longer and admire her grace and composure. I think, “That lady is so cool, I should wear more hats!” Then I remind myself that I had a beret on this morning when I was making crepes…well, not really but I should have.
Women are amazing and so are hats…next time you’re in a party store slip on a sparkly tiara and remember what that feels like to be the princess, buy a cute straw hat for the beach and own that bikini, and remember we are the masters of many hats and all a bunch of mad-hatters.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
FriendFest
A wise old woman once told me that husbands and kids come and go but girlfriends are there through it all! She was sharing cocktails with her best buddy and they shared a knowing laugh. The other one chimed in with that funny saying, “We have to be great friends, she has way too much dirt on me!”
I was inspired by this exchange and made a commitment to spend some quality time with my “girls” this summer. It was a treat to say the least, to lounge in the sun and talk about everything under the sun. I met these dear friends when I was 18, my freshman year of college, and these women indeed have way too much dirt on me to not be my BFF’s. We live far apart but we commit to making time to share our lives and I’d be lost without them. (I promised I would change the names to protect the guilty so they know who they are.)
Women are amazing and it’s clear that we have an innate need to connect with other amazing women. We join Brownies, sororities, book clubs and play bunco. We have 10,000 words to share a day and let’s face it those hubbies and kids only hear about 2 so we need a sounding board. I’m quite sure the chicks in the caves had dinner club too, they just probably fussed less about the décor when it was their turn to host.
Women get the “it takes a village” concept. There are women in our lives that help us rear our children and they deserve a badge of honor. I have driven across town to retrieve a rogue tuba for a neighbor kid’s concert and I myself have fallen on my sword and made the desperate call to a girlfriend to help me “feed my children tonight”. You know you’re sharing these duties when your friend drops off your kids and submits an invoice for groceries and you return a load of her kid‘s laundry.
Men call it hitting for the cycle in baseball, I have friends that I have shared “the cycle” with…it’s called attending their bachelorette party, their baby shower and their divorce soiree. I have been there to share every whoop whoop, every tear drop and every ummm what else do you have to wear?
There are all kinds of friends…everyday friends that you share every blow by blow with, the lifelong friends that know all your stories and those friends that you bring swimsuit shopping with you cause you know they’ll serve it up straight.
If you doubt the power of the sisterhood, sit close to a pack of girls by the pool in Vegas. I overheard a group of women from Wisconsin saying, “We’ve never seen you do that move Helen, but you rocked it girl!”…they were in their mid-50’s and belly laughing at each other. It warmed my heart and I quickly looked to my girlfriend to help me explain the phone number written in permanent marker on my thigh.
There are those friends you live vicariously through…you know, the girl who sits next to you at work with the fun weekend party stories and when she turns to you for your report you say once again, “ I made this amazing new flavor of microwave popcorn and watched a movie.” There are the friends with the hottest husband, a cute new car, time for manicures, the ones the same size as they were in high school and the one with the uniformed name labels on her spice draw…we love to hate em.
We all know the joy we feel after spending time with these gal pals that help us march through this crazy life. Pick up the phone, get on Facebook, email, text, smoke signal her, whatever you have to do but CONNECT with these chicks…let them know how much they mean to you. Cheers to you girls!
As the sign hanging over my doorway says that my dear friend bought me…“A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting in there with you!”
I was inspired by this exchange and made a commitment to spend some quality time with my “girls” this summer. It was a treat to say the least, to lounge in the sun and talk about everything under the sun. I met these dear friends when I was 18, my freshman year of college, and these women indeed have way too much dirt on me to not be my BFF’s. We live far apart but we commit to making time to share our lives and I’d be lost without them. (I promised I would change the names to protect the guilty so they know who they are.)
Women are amazing and it’s clear that we have an innate need to connect with other amazing women. We join Brownies, sororities, book clubs and play bunco. We have 10,000 words to share a day and let’s face it those hubbies and kids only hear about 2 so we need a sounding board. I’m quite sure the chicks in the caves had dinner club too, they just probably fussed less about the décor when it was their turn to host.
Women get the “it takes a village” concept. There are women in our lives that help us rear our children and they deserve a badge of honor. I have driven across town to retrieve a rogue tuba for a neighbor kid’s concert and I myself have fallen on my sword and made the desperate call to a girlfriend to help me “feed my children tonight”. You know you’re sharing these duties when your friend drops off your kids and submits an invoice for groceries and you return a load of her kid‘s laundry.
Men call it hitting for the cycle in baseball, I have friends that I have shared “the cycle” with…it’s called attending their bachelorette party, their baby shower and their divorce soiree. I have been there to share every whoop whoop, every tear drop and every ummm what else do you have to wear?
There are all kinds of friends…everyday friends that you share every blow by blow with, the lifelong friends that know all your stories and those friends that you bring swimsuit shopping with you cause you know they’ll serve it up straight.
If you doubt the power of the sisterhood, sit close to a pack of girls by the pool in Vegas. I overheard a group of women from Wisconsin saying, “We’ve never seen you do that move Helen, but you rocked it girl!”…they were in their mid-50’s and belly laughing at each other. It warmed my heart and I quickly looked to my girlfriend to help me explain the phone number written in permanent marker on my thigh.
There are those friends you live vicariously through…you know, the girl who sits next to you at work with the fun weekend party stories and when she turns to you for your report you say once again, “ I made this amazing new flavor of microwave popcorn and watched a movie.” There are the friends with the hottest husband, a cute new car, time for manicures, the ones the same size as they were in high school and the one with the uniformed name labels on her spice draw…we love to hate em.
We all know the joy we feel after spending time with these gal pals that help us march through this crazy life. Pick up the phone, get on Facebook, email, text, smoke signal her, whatever you have to do but CONNECT with these chicks…let them know how much they mean to you. Cheers to you girls!
As the sign hanging over my doorway says that my dear friend bought me…“A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting in there with you!”
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Girls Retweet
In this crazy wired-world, we all need to get away, unplug, recharge but man it’s tough to make that happen! Good thing we have those friends that make us make it a priority, they do all the planning and we just have to show up (easier said than done). Getting ready to get away is so much work, but when you get there…it’s way worth it!
I was lucky enough to be invited to a girls’ retweet recently and the goal was to get away and spend some focused time on projects that were never getting done for one reason or 50 other reasons. We went to a beach house and upon arrival realized our fancy phones didn’t have service. After a collective high-pitched horror scream heard around the world, we settled into the idea of enjoying the next 4 days being off the grid, getting things done (we had wi-fi at least whew) and connecting the old-fashioned way.
It was a rough detox, complete with shakes, the DT’s and blank stares at our phones just freaking over what was going on in the wired-world without us…OMG what WOULD we be missing?!
We quickly filled that void with chocolate, red wine and walks on the beach. We found our shoulders sinking back down from our ears (with the help of the massage therapist we brought with us) and the swelling in our thumbs going down. We were so happy to let our 10,000 words a day flow as opposed to being corralled to 160 characters in a text or tweet.
Of course the walks on the beach were still captured on our fancy phones for posting later to prove how much fun we had. It made me think of that age old question, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it does it make a noise?” I wondered, “If we walk on the beach and have fun, but don’t take a pic and post it to Facebook did we actually have fun?”
Disconnecting was a challenge, we have all become so dependent on that mobile phone crack. But what a fabulous experience…we slept in, we created amazing things (yes on our laptops), we sat by a fire pit and told stories and made s’mores. We belly laughed, we talked about boys (some 4 yrs. old and some 40), we breathed in the fresh salt air and we ate…holy cow we ate and it was great! And not a #4 from the drive thru window but homemade grandma recipes of chicken verde and snack bars…like the good old days!
Let’s be clear…I have a foot firmly planted in both camps. I love me some texting but I also love making memories in person (a dying art). I love the tools that allow you to be connected 24/7, heck Facebook allows me to attend my high school reunion, daily, without having to buy a cocktail dress or lose 20 lbs. But I worry that my kids couldn’t keep track of their shoes from day to day but they haven’t misplaced their phones in five years. Are they so wired and dependent that they won’t know how to play capture the flag without that tech appendage?
I challenge all of you to go rogue…try it, disconnect and in that space you may realize how great it is to really connect, maybe even at a fabulous girls retweet!
I was lucky enough to be invited to a girls’ retweet recently and the goal was to get away and spend some focused time on projects that were never getting done for one reason or 50 other reasons. We went to a beach house and upon arrival realized our fancy phones didn’t have service. After a collective high-pitched horror scream heard around the world, we settled into the idea of enjoying the next 4 days being off the grid, getting things done (we had wi-fi at least whew) and connecting the old-fashioned way.
It was a rough detox, complete with shakes, the DT’s and blank stares at our phones just freaking over what was going on in the wired-world without us…OMG what WOULD we be missing?!
We quickly filled that void with chocolate, red wine and walks on the beach. We found our shoulders sinking back down from our ears (with the help of the massage therapist we brought with us) and the swelling in our thumbs going down. We were so happy to let our 10,000 words a day flow as opposed to being corralled to 160 characters in a text or tweet.
Of course the walks on the beach were still captured on our fancy phones for posting later to prove how much fun we had. It made me think of that age old question, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it does it make a noise?” I wondered, “If we walk on the beach and have fun, but don’t take a pic and post it to Facebook did we actually have fun?”
Disconnecting was a challenge, we have all become so dependent on that mobile phone crack. But what a fabulous experience…we slept in, we created amazing things (yes on our laptops), we sat by a fire pit and told stories and made s’mores. We belly laughed, we talked about boys (some 4 yrs. old and some 40), we breathed in the fresh salt air and we ate…holy cow we ate and it was great! And not a #4 from the drive thru window but homemade grandma recipes of chicken verde and snack bars…like the good old days!
Let’s be clear…I have a foot firmly planted in both camps. I love me some texting but I also love making memories in person (a dying art). I love the tools that allow you to be connected 24/7, heck Facebook allows me to attend my high school reunion, daily, without having to buy a cocktail dress or lose 20 lbs. But I worry that my kids couldn’t keep track of their shoes from day to day but they haven’t misplaced their phones in five years. Are they so wired and dependent that they won’t know how to play capture the flag without that tech appendage?
I challenge all of you to go rogue…try it, disconnect and in that space you may realize how great it is to really connect, maybe even at a fabulous girls retweet!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Happy Birthdays!
as seen on the Crave Crack-Up @ www.thecravecompany.com July 18, 2010
Summer brings fun in the sun, tan lines and a ton of birthdays. I’m pretty sure it’s due to the cold fall weather nine months earlier. It gets chilly, folks curl up and the next summer you’re hiring clowns and ordering birthday cakes.
I just celebrated a “mid-fourty” (yeah let’s go with that) milestone and it got me thinking about birthdays. I’ve decided to embrace my age, I’m one year closer to owning my stuff and embracing the wisdom that comes with knowing who you are and who you’re not (like coming to terms with the fact that the last time I was a size 6 was when I was 6 and I’ll never see that number on a clothes tag again)…I was inspired when I read this passage recently ”take kindly the counsel of your years” then realized it was from an online guy looking to date women 22-26.
You know that cool Martina McBride song that says, “every laugh line on your face made you who you are today”….well, I have no idea what was so frickin funny over the years but I must’ve had a great time somewhere along the way cause I have the roadmap on my face to prove it!
When you celebrate your 10th birthday you love that Mexican place where you get to wear that huge sombrero and all the clapping just for you and when they light the ice cream on fire. When you turn 36 there you just want the singing to cease so strangers will stop staring.
My oldest son turned 18 recently, a huge milestone right? I mean come on the kid had made it to adulthood, that in itself warranted a fireworks display in both our honors. He was about as excited for his special day as he was his 1st birthday…giving me a blank stare as if to say ”what’s all the hype about woman?” He wore a crazy hat in his 1st birthday picture, now he’s sporting a cap & gown…he still dresses funny in birthday pictures. I was looking forward to my present…after all the kid was still breathing even after I had lost him, poisoned him, made him wear shoes that were 2 sizes too small for a year. What do I win to celebrate that “we” made it 18 yrs?!
When I was 40 I threw myself a big bash with live band and all….I couldn’t believe I had made it that far…and on the way home from the party I bought a huge jar of anti-wrinkle cream.
Let’s hear it for office birthday parties, there’s all that healthy stuff in the break room but on birthday day you b-line to the conference room and you’re like “happy special day, Dave whatever your last name is from accounting”, thanks for being born, now let’s eat some chocolate cake.
Birthdays are a milestone in your life, they are cause for reflection & anticipation. I personally will pour myself a stiff drink, cheers myself and kindly celebrate “the counsel of my years”!
Summer brings fun in the sun, tan lines and a ton of birthdays. I’m pretty sure it’s due to the cold fall weather nine months earlier. It gets chilly, folks curl up and the next summer you’re hiring clowns and ordering birthday cakes.
I just celebrated a “mid-fourty” (yeah let’s go with that) milestone and it got me thinking about birthdays. I’ve decided to embrace my age, I’m one year closer to owning my stuff and embracing the wisdom that comes with knowing who you are and who you’re not (like coming to terms with the fact that the last time I was a size 6 was when I was 6 and I’ll never see that number on a clothes tag again)…I was inspired when I read this passage recently ”take kindly the counsel of your years” then realized it was from an online guy looking to date women 22-26.
You know that cool Martina McBride song that says, “every laugh line on your face made you who you are today”….well, I have no idea what was so frickin funny over the years but I must’ve had a great time somewhere along the way cause I have the roadmap on my face to prove it!
When you celebrate your 10th birthday you love that Mexican place where you get to wear that huge sombrero and all the clapping just for you and when they light the ice cream on fire. When you turn 36 there you just want the singing to cease so strangers will stop staring.
My oldest son turned 18 recently, a huge milestone right? I mean come on the kid had made it to adulthood, that in itself warranted a fireworks display in both our honors. He was about as excited for his special day as he was his 1st birthday…giving me a blank stare as if to say ”what’s all the hype about woman?” He wore a crazy hat in his 1st birthday picture, now he’s sporting a cap & gown…he still dresses funny in birthday pictures. I was looking forward to my present…after all the kid was still breathing even after I had lost him, poisoned him, made him wear shoes that were 2 sizes too small for a year. What do I win to celebrate that “we” made it 18 yrs?!
When I was 40 I threw myself a big bash with live band and all….I couldn’t believe I had made it that far…and on the way home from the party I bought a huge jar of anti-wrinkle cream.
Let’s hear it for office birthday parties, there’s all that healthy stuff in the break room but on birthday day you b-line to the conference room and you’re like “happy special day, Dave whatever your last name is from accounting”, thanks for being born, now let’s eat some chocolate cake.
Birthdays are a milestone in your life, they are cause for reflection & anticipation. I personally will pour myself a stiff drink, cheers myself and kindly celebrate “the counsel of my years”!
Monday, May 3, 2010
To Create or Not to Create?
as seen on the Crave Crack-Up @ www.thecravecompany.com April 19, 2010
Have you ever been asked, “Are you a creative person?” I have and I always answer “no” because I can’t even print my name straight. To me, “creative” people were my friends in girl scouts that turned the colored pipe-cleaners into a ride at Disneyland, or my friend who paints scenery so amazing you want to jump into the picture.
The idea of “arts & crafts” give me hives; I have always viewed myself as creatively challenged (at least that’s what my second grade teacher called it when she saw the drawing of my house and asked if it was my dog). My Mom and sisters are amazingly gifted, my Mom can look at a lamp shade and think, “That would make an amazing centerpiece for the Cinco de Mayo party,” and it does. My little sister is an architect and shapes the Denver skyline with her genius. My oldest sister busted out four blank canvases recently and whipped up living room art that could be displayed at The Met. I can speak in public no problem, play through on a golf course full of men easy, but put a blank canvas in front of me and I am paralyzed with fear, let alone four.
However, I have learned that “creativity” takes many forms and all of us have some creative gift to offer the world. It’s not really a question to create, but rather a question of whether you will allow yourself to let your creativity flow through you into the world. I have always had a burning desire to make pottery; I would be so Demi Moore in Ghost, but I’m too afraid I wouldn’t even be able to make a cereal bowl. Fear is what stumps our creativity, there’s nothing scarier than putting your creativity out in the world and having a teacher say, “Is that your puppy?”
Creativity is a funny thing! I find myself most creative in the shower or the bathroom…what’s with that? Superman had a phone booth, I have the ladies lounge. At board meetings, I run to the bathroom and always come back with the break through solution to our challenge. My friends now know that when I come back from the restroom and say, “Guess what I was thinking”, they strap in for something amazing. When I have a problem to figure out, I take a shower. There’s something about that water flowing over my brain that interrupts the normal chatter and makes way for a creative breakthrough. I’ve gone through many laptops trying to write this column in the shower!
I have three books in the works, one for business, a funny one with my life stories, and of course a great fiction with a “hoochie” heroine who has a fling with the UPS man. I read a quote recently that I loved, it said, “Good girls want to have fun, bad girls make sure they do!” The leading lady in my novel is one of those bad chicks.
Spring is an amazing time of creation, look around, that dirt pile you’ve been passing along your drive now has a rainbow of colors bursting out of it. The birds are chiming in and adding their song to the season. My neighbor kids drew a cute picture on my car hood in the pollen dust. It’s time to wake up your creative juices and let them fly. Don’t miss a chance to show the world what’s growing under your dirt pile, take a nice long shower and come out and CREATE!
Have you ever been asked, “Are you a creative person?” I have and I always answer “no” because I can’t even print my name straight. To me, “creative” people were my friends in girl scouts that turned the colored pipe-cleaners into a ride at Disneyland, or my friend who paints scenery so amazing you want to jump into the picture.
The idea of “arts & crafts” give me hives; I have always viewed myself as creatively challenged (at least that’s what my second grade teacher called it when she saw the drawing of my house and asked if it was my dog). My Mom and sisters are amazingly gifted, my Mom can look at a lamp shade and think, “That would make an amazing centerpiece for the Cinco de Mayo party,” and it does. My little sister is an architect and shapes the Denver skyline with her genius. My oldest sister busted out four blank canvases recently and whipped up living room art that could be displayed at The Met. I can speak in public no problem, play through on a golf course full of men easy, but put a blank canvas in front of me and I am paralyzed with fear, let alone four.
However, I have learned that “creativity” takes many forms and all of us have some creative gift to offer the world. It’s not really a question to create, but rather a question of whether you will allow yourself to let your creativity flow through you into the world. I have always had a burning desire to make pottery; I would be so Demi Moore in Ghost, but I’m too afraid I wouldn’t even be able to make a cereal bowl. Fear is what stumps our creativity, there’s nothing scarier than putting your creativity out in the world and having a teacher say, “Is that your puppy?”
Creativity is a funny thing! I find myself most creative in the shower or the bathroom…what’s with that? Superman had a phone booth, I have the ladies lounge. At board meetings, I run to the bathroom and always come back with the break through solution to our challenge. My friends now know that when I come back from the restroom and say, “Guess what I was thinking”, they strap in for something amazing. When I have a problem to figure out, I take a shower. There’s something about that water flowing over my brain that interrupts the normal chatter and makes way for a creative breakthrough. I’ve gone through many laptops trying to write this column in the shower!
I have three books in the works, one for business, a funny one with my life stories, and of course a great fiction with a “hoochie” heroine who has a fling with the UPS man. I read a quote recently that I loved, it said, “Good girls want to have fun, bad girls make sure they do!” The leading lady in my novel is one of those bad chicks.
Spring is an amazing time of creation, look around, that dirt pile you’ve been passing along your drive now has a rainbow of colors bursting out of it. The birds are chiming in and adding their song to the season. My neighbor kids drew a cute picture on my car hood in the pollen dust. It’s time to wake up your creative juices and let them fly. Don’t miss a chance to show the world what’s growing under your dirt pile, take a nice long shower and come out and CREATE!
Fashion Sense is a Relative Term
as seen on the Crave Crack-Up @ www.thecravecompany.com March 24, 2010
In honor of the recent Fashion Week hoopla, I thought I’d share my fashion “sense” and I use that term quite loosely. For those of you that have read the CRAVE Crack Up blogs, you’ve quickly come to learn I am “challenged” in many areas of my life that include domestically, home interiorally, culinarily, and more. Fashion is no exception….I have narrowly escaped being featured in the black-boxed face photo in many a fashion magazine.
Every Spring I am inspired to clean out the closet, buy some colorful shoes and skip around looking cute. I pledge to wear a pretty floral print dress just because they look so dang fun on the TV ads but then realize I would actually have to shave my legs.
I adore all the fabulous sunglasses but find myself still sporting the $3.99 pair I bought at the Ritzville AM/PM after a long night. I vowed to never buy expensive eyewear because I was sure I’d lose or break them…these signature shades I picked up near the corn dogs have lasted me five years, naturally!
Each April I travel to Las Vegas for some much needed girl fun. One year I committed myself to having the right “Vegas” shoes, so I splurged. I found just the right pair of smoking hot black strappy pumps. When I got there, I made it from my room to the elevator in the hotel before I had to return to the room for my flip flops. They looked super cute in the pre-func party pics though.
A southern friend once sent me a Spring purse set. By “set” I mean that it looked like one of those Christmas dolls that you open and find 15 more mini-Christmas dolls inside, only this had a matching wallet, sunglass case, etc., it had a million pieces. I had no idea what to do with all of them but they sure were cute. Don’t be surprised that I don’t have a purse “set”…I just recently realized you should have more than one bag for different seasons.
Speaking of seasons, when I lived in the south I was outcast due to my major faux pas of wearing white heels before Easter. Silly me, it had been 80 degrees since New Year’s Eve so I figured white shoes with my cute floral skirt would work. The fashion police literally showed up and locked me in a dressing room at Dillard’s until Easter for that high crime.
You might say I am a “function over form” kind of gal. I am all about comfort and all my jeans have to do is at least accommodate my cell phone and lip gloss.
I do love coats, it’s a strange addiction but I must have a hundred in my closet. Ok, 50% are fleece, but I do dig the outer layer action. Funny thing is I am always so warm, I rarely wear them, not just because most of them would look ridiculous with my floral dress but also because I don’t want to be bothered with carrying one around. I would probably leave it in some coat check somewhere and lose it….like my $3.99 expensive eyewear.
Here’s to putting on a pretty floral dress and skipping around looking cute this Spring!
In honor of the recent Fashion Week hoopla, I thought I’d share my fashion “sense” and I use that term quite loosely. For those of you that have read the CRAVE Crack Up blogs, you’ve quickly come to learn I am “challenged” in many areas of my life that include domestically, home interiorally, culinarily, and more. Fashion is no exception….I have narrowly escaped being featured in the black-boxed face photo in many a fashion magazine.
Every Spring I am inspired to clean out the closet, buy some colorful shoes and skip around looking cute. I pledge to wear a pretty floral print dress just because they look so dang fun on the TV ads but then realize I would actually have to shave my legs.
I adore all the fabulous sunglasses but find myself still sporting the $3.99 pair I bought at the Ritzville AM/PM after a long night. I vowed to never buy expensive eyewear because I was sure I’d lose or break them…these signature shades I picked up near the corn dogs have lasted me five years, naturally!
Each April I travel to Las Vegas for some much needed girl fun. One year I committed myself to having the right “Vegas” shoes, so I splurged. I found just the right pair of smoking hot black strappy pumps. When I got there, I made it from my room to the elevator in the hotel before I had to return to the room for my flip flops. They looked super cute in the pre-func party pics though.
A southern friend once sent me a Spring purse set. By “set” I mean that it looked like one of those Christmas dolls that you open and find 15 more mini-Christmas dolls inside, only this had a matching wallet, sunglass case, etc., it had a million pieces. I had no idea what to do with all of them but they sure were cute. Don’t be surprised that I don’t have a purse “set”…I just recently realized you should have more than one bag for different seasons.
Speaking of seasons, when I lived in the south I was outcast due to my major faux pas of wearing white heels before Easter. Silly me, it had been 80 degrees since New Year’s Eve so I figured white shoes with my cute floral skirt would work. The fashion police literally showed up and locked me in a dressing room at Dillard’s until Easter for that high crime.
You might say I am a “function over form” kind of gal. I am all about comfort and all my jeans have to do is at least accommodate my cell phone and lip gloss.
I do love coats, it’s a strange addiction but I must have a hundred in my closet. Ok, 50% are fleece, but I do dig the outer layer action. Funny thing is I am always so warm, I rarely wear them, not just because most of them would look ridiculous with my floral dress but also because I don’t want to be bothered with carrying one around. I would probably leave it in some coat check somewhere and lose it….like my $3.99 expensive eyewear.
Here’s to putting on a pretty floral dress and skipping around looking cute this Spring!
Home is Where You Hang Your Hat
as seen on the Crave Crack-Up @ www.thecravecompany.com February 23, 2010
For those of you who have read my Rachel Ray blog you know I’m culinarily challenged, but love those food shows. I’m equally as inept at home design & décor but I love me some Design on a Dime (although I don’t actual DO either). I love the word “home.” I grew up in a small rambler with seven people, one bathroom and no dishwasher, but it was home. My Dad still lives there and it’s amazing how it feels sleeping in that house. It’s awesome when we all go home with our families, the bathroom line is just a little longer now with 23 people. After college I became a vagabond and lived all over the world, followed by 18 years as an army spouse. The Army has this cute little sign that says “Home is where the Army sends you.”
Needless to say, my “home” has been a stinky room the size of a closet, a grass hut in the middle of a rice paddy, an apartment on the 75th floor, a condo near a strip mall, a large sprawling tudor style, and approximately 5000 hotel rooms. I love all that cool stuff you get for your home when you get married but I made a critical mistake and had a really small wedding. Turns out I received three place settings of my formal china. When we’d have another couple over the fourth person had to eat off a plastic power ranger plate. I’m so home décor challenged I have lived for months with no pictures on the wall, have gone 20+ years without buying window treatments and I don’t have more than two bath towels the same color. When people ask me what “theme” I have decorated my homes I answer with a mid-modern century “pot pourri”.
As a joke one year my friends bought me an entire set of holiday plates. I now have salt & pepper shakers with snowmen on them…so stinking cool! I think chicks that wear hats are fashion forward stars, those with holiday-themed china are domestic goddesses….now I’m one. There are some staples I love that seem to make a house a luxurious home…a million pillows on your bed & lots of thread count sheets, a system to organize your plastic wear & lids, real flowers on your kitchen island, and that’s living. Oh, and whoever invented that electric fire place switch needs a raise…big time! I love huge tubs but have spent little time in them. The time I did spend was usually jockeying around to get comfortable around all those hot wheels in there with me. I did build a water feature on my deck once. I loved it, yeah for Lowe’s. I looked like a landscape architect genius just by putting part A into part B and firing up the hose. It was great to fall asleep to but it made me have to get up and pee all night long.
Oprah says make your home an oasis…take a look around and think about what you can do to make your house a little more “homey”…even if it’s just a $2 apple pie scented candle.
For those of you who have read my Rachel Ray blog you know I’m culinarily challenged, but love those food shows. I’m equally as inept at home design & décor but I love me some Design on a Dime (although I don’t actual DO either). I love the word “home.” I grew up in a small rambler with seven people, one bathroom and no dishwasher, but it was home. My Dad still lives there and it’s amazing how it feels sleeping in that house. It’s awesome when we all go home with our families, the bathroom line is just a little longer now with 23 people. After college I became a vagabond and lived all over the world, followed by 18 years as an army spouse. The Army has this cute little sign that says “Home is where the Army sends you.”
Needless to say, my “home” has been a stinky room the size of a closet, a grass hut in the middle of a rice paddy, an apartment on the 75th floor, a condo near a strip mall, a large sprawling tudor style, and approximately 5000 hotel rooms. I love all that cool stuff you get for your home when you get married but I made a critical mistake and had a really small wedding. Turns out I received three place settings of my formal china. When we’d have another couple over the fourth person had to eat off a plastic power ranger plate. I’m so home décor challenged I have lived for months with no pictures on the wall, have gone 20+ years without buying window treatments and I don’t have more than two bath towels the same color. When people ask me what “theme” I have decorated my homes I answer with a mid-modern century “pot pourri”.
As a joke one year my friends bought me an entire set of holiday plates. I now have salt & pepper shakers with snowmen on them…so stinking cool! I think chicks that wear hats are fashion forward stars, those with holiday-themed china are domestic goddesses….now I’m one. There are some staples I love that seem to make a house a luxurious home…a million pillows on your bed & lots of thread count sheets, a system to organize your plastic wear & lids, real flowers on your kitchen island, and that’s living. Oh, and whoever invented that electric fire place switch needs a raise…big time! I love huge tubs but have spent little time in them. The time I did spend was usually jockeying around to get comfortable around all those hot wheels in there with me. I did build a water feature on my deck once. I loved it, yeah for Lowe’s. I looked like a landscape architect genius just by putting part A into part B and firing up the hose. It was great to fall asleep to but it made me have to get up and pee all night long.
Oprah says make your home an oasis…take a look around and think about what you can do to make your house a little more “homey”…even if it’s just a $2 apple pie scented candle.
Rachel Ray, I'm not
as seen on the Crave Crack-Up @ www.thecravecompany.com February 2, 2010
I don’t know if any of you are “culinaryily challenged,” but I sure am. I am obsessed with the Food Channel but don’t cook anything I ever see prepared on there. There is something soothing and brain numbing about watching them create, compete, build absurdly shaped cakes, and whip up mystery ingredients I have never heard of.
How about that Rachel Ray gal? She rocks it every night in less than 30 minutes. The big difference is when I go to my pantry or fridge I don’t conveniently have all the spices and sauces placed by the elves so my 30 minute meal turns into a frustrated 80 minute search for cumin, and a trip to the grocery store. (Consequently, I leave the grocery store with everything BUT cumin and swing through the drive-through window before returning home.)
When I do cook I seem to have portion control issues. I grew up in a big family so I assume spaghetti noodles come in “single serving” bags only. Needless to say, I have a lot of leftovers and anyone who reheats spaghetti noodles knows, they aren’t too tasty.
My Mom is an amazing cook and she knows how to put on a party with picture perfect hors d’oeuvres, now SHE could have her own Food Network show. I think I was busy outside shooting hoop when she was whipping up chef lessons. So the pressure to live up to that is huge. She would bring heaping scrumptious cupcakes to my class parties… with every child’s name monogrammed on them. I am lucky if I can pull off a drive by drop off of Oreos for the school Valentines Day party!
My southern Mother-in-Law once tried to help me out by buying me a southern cookbook. Every dang recipe started with “make a rue”…have you ever tried to make a rue? Well, it’s a special little concoction of flour and butter that you have to try not to burn. I never made a single recipe from that book!
I will have to say I have the “sipping” part of this sip/savor category down pat. Never met a cocktail I didn’t like and they seem to be MUCH easier to make. Although I recently tried a signature cocktail recipe and it actually called for pear sorbet…my Coors Light generally does not come with ice cream and- huge surprise- I didn’t have any pear sorbet in my freezer (unlike Rachel) so I skipped the garnish, the vodka tasted fine without it!
If your idea of comfort food is a large bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and you don’t own a food processor…you are not alone. Rachel rocks…me, not so much!
* a weekly humor post by Lynn Edwards
I don’t know if any of you are “culinaryily challenged,” but I sure am. I am obsessed with the Food Channel but don’t cook anything I ever see prepared on there. There is something soothing and brain numbing about watching them create, compete, build absurdly shaped cakes, and whip up mystery ingredients I have never heard of.
How about that Rachel Ray gal? She rocks it every night in less than 30 minutes. The big difference is when I go to my pantry or fridge I don’t conveniently have all the spices and sauces placed by the elves so my 30 minute meal turns into a frustrated 80 minute search for cumin, and a trip to the grocery store. (Consequently, I leave the grocery store with everything BUT cumin and swing through the drive-through window before returning home.)
When I do cook I seem to have portion control issues. I grew up in a big family so I assume spaghetti noodles come in “single serving” bags only. Needless to say, I have a lot of leftovers and anyone who reheats spaghetti noodles knows, they aren’t too tasty.
My Mom is an amazing cook and she knows how to put on a party with picture perfect hors d’oeuvres, now SHE could have her own Food Network show. I think I was busy outside shooting hoop when she was whipping up chef lessons. So the pressure to live up to that is huge. She would bring heaping scrumptious cupcakes to my class parties… with every child’s name monogrammed on them. I am lucky if I can pull off a drive by drop off of Oreos for the school Valentines Day party!
My southern Mother-in-Law once tried to help me out by buying me a southern cookbook. Every dang recipe started with “make a rue”…have you ever tried to make a rue? Well, it’s a special little concoction of flour and butter that you have to try not to burn. I never made a single recipe from that book!
I will have to say I have the “sipping” part of this sip/savor category down pat. Never met a cocktail I didn’t like and they seem to be MUCH easier to make. Although I recently tried a signature cocktail recipe and it actually called for pear sorbet…my Coors Light generally does not come with ice cream and- huge surprise- I didn’t have any pear sorbet in my freezer (unlike Rachel) so I skipped the garnish, the vodka tasted fine without it!
If your idea of comfort food is a large bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and you don’t own a food processor…you are not alone. Rachel rocks…me, not so much!
* a weekly humor post by Lynn Edwards
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Private Eye
Ok, so I've been thinking about this nickname Lynnconspicuous and thought I'd do some research.
Checking the dictionary it means:
con·spic·u·ous –adjective
1.easily seen or noticed; readily visible or observable
2.attracting special attention, as by outstanding qualities or eccentricities
I have to agree with my brother, the name is fitting. I can in fact be as subtle as a yellow school bus at times. Despite me efforts to blend into the woodwork I might as well be wearing bright fucia instead of a grainy brown seude suite.
I have always wanted to be a private eye and thought my strategy would be to be so frickin obvious that there is no way I would be suspected of being "under cover"...under the bar maybe but not on the "down low".
Imagine you get assigned to check if a man is cheating and instead of sitting in a dark corner taking pics you walk into the bar all hoochied up, sit next to him, ask him if he wants to "get out of this place" and when he says "yes" you simply lean into your undercover lapel mic and say..."Guilty!"
Or if you got assigned to investigate some big corporate corruption scheme you just walk into the break room with your Oprah coffee mug and ask where the file room is located. You scoot down the hall in your corporate pumps, open that bad boy up and drag out the evidence, snap a few pics with your flip phone and grab a scone on the way out.
This one time I was asked to scout a basketball team we were going to play and instead of going to a big Friday night game with 800 other people, I walked into a practice and sat in the stands taking great notes. The coach gave me a few cursery glances but pretty sure he was just thinking who's Mom is that again...the notebook and video cam I pulled out of my purse should have concerned him but nope.
I'd be like the middle-aged cougar version of the Pink Panther. Doing my sly work under the cover of plain sight. I'd be "heard" before I was seen and I would be WAY too conspicuous to be inconspicuous.
Checking the dictionary it means:
con·spic·u·ous –adjective
1.easily seen or noticed; readily visible or observable
2.attracting special attention, as by outstanding qualities or eccentricities
I have to agree with my brother, the name is fitting. I can in fact be as subtle as a yellow school bus at times. Despite me efforts to blend into the woodwork I might as well be wearing bright fucia instead of a grainy brown seude suite.
I have always wanted to be a private eye and thought my strategy would be to be so frickin obvious that there is no way I would be suspected of being "under cover"...under the bar maybe but not on the "down low".
Imagine you get assigned to check if a man is cheating and instead of sitting in a dark corner taking pics you walk into the bar all hoochied up, sit next to him, ask him if he wants to "get out of this place" and when he says "yes" you simply lean into your undercover lapel mic and say..."Guilty!"
Or if you got assigned to investigate some big corporate corruption scheme you just walk into the break room with your Oprah coffee mug and ask where the file room is located. You scoot down the hall in your corporate pumps, open that bad boy up and drag out the evidence, snap a few pics with your flip phone and grab a scone on the way out.
This one time I was asked to scout a basketball team we were going to play and instead of going to a big Friday night game with 800 other people, I walked into a practice and sat in the stands taking great notes. The coach gave me a few cursery glances but pretty sure he was just thinking who's Mom is that again...the notebook and video cam I pulled out of my purse should have concerned him but nope.
I'd be like the middle-aged cougar version of the Pink Panther. Doing my sly work under the cover of plain sight. I'd be "heard" before I was seen and I would be WAY too conspicuous to be inconspicuous.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Great Stories!
I come from a big family and read once that as a survival technique in a big family your stories have to be "big", exaggerated to get noticed. When going around the table at dinner time, sharing your big happenings of the day, it was not enough to say I jumped in a mud puddle on the way home. Eyes wouldn't even look up from their plates with that report so it had to be BIG...something really cool. So the puddle turned into a raging river that prevented me from crossing to the bus and then a car came by and drenched me in mud water and my hair looked like crap and then...that guy I really liked stopped to ask if I needed a ride...you get the drift. It had to be colorful, engaging, captivating and it had to be a lot of bs but it had to be funny!
Well, I'm convinced I cursed myself by creating these grand adventures. There was a moment when these inflated stories became my reality. I was a normal girl just cruising through life and weird stuff would happen to me, daily. I would share my stories with friends and family and they would seem to be entertained by my recounting of these crazy stories. I wasn't sure if it was my finely tuned skill of storytelling or if this stuff was really happening to ME!
All I know is that I have this seemingly ordinary life that has a lot of "one times" all strung together to make a bunch of crazy ass escapades. My brother calls me Lynnconspicuous, I try to be subtle, shy, quiet, mysterious but it never happens. I can go to a parade and the next thing you know I'm on a fricking float throwing candy, waving like some wanna be beauty pageant finalist...I have no idea how it happens it just does, over and over again!
So I decided to share my adventures....you be the judge, everyday life or a life of one times that just happen to be funny stuff! :)
Well, I'm convinced I cursed myself by creating these grand adventures. There was a moment when these inflated stories became my reality. I was a normal girl just cruising through life and weird stuff would happen to me, daily. I would share my stories with friends and family and they would seem to be entertained by my recounting of these crazy stories. I wasn't sure if it was my finely tuned skill of storytelling or if this stuff was really happening to ME!
All I know is that I have this seemingly ordinary life that has a lot of "one times" all strung together to make a bunch of crazy ass escapades. My brother calls me Lynnconspicuous, I try to be subtle, shy, quiet, mysterious but it never happens. I can go to a parade and the next thing you know I'm on a fricking float throwing candy, waving like some wanna be beauty pageant finalist...I have no idea how it happens it just does, over and over again!
So I decided to share my adventures....you be the judge, everyday life or a life of one times that just happen to be funny stuff! :)
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